Why Broken Promises Hurt More Than You Think

WHEN SOMEONE BREAKS YOUR TRUST, WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE HURT?

A broken promise can stay with you long after the moment is over.

In this episode of The Mental Health Janitors, Sgt. Q and Doc Jess explore how betrayal, childhood trauma, broken trust, and unresolved hurt can shape the way we see people, relationships, and even ourselves.

The conversation begins with a deeply personal story about a broken promise that became part of a childhood trauma. Then, a Reddit story about a father and son raises a bigger question about trust, accountability, parenting, and what happens when someone uses a loophole instead of honoring their word.

But the conversation goes even deeper.

Why do we sometimes start looking for revenge when we've been hurt? Why does our brain fill in the gaps when we don't have all the information? And what does it really take to break the cycle of resentment?

Sgt. Q shares a deeply personal story about his own father that brings the conversation full circle and reveals why forgiveness isn't always about what someone deserves.

This episode explores emotional intelligence, trauma, family relationships, trust, resentment, forgiveness, emotional resilience, and the choices we make after we've been hurt.

If you've ever struggled with betrayal, broken promises, anger, or letting go of something that happened in your past, this conversation may give you a different way to look at your pain. ❤️

🎧 Listen to the full episode to hear the stories, the lessons, and the unexpected perspective on choosing forgiveness over revenge.

Episode Highlights

• 00:00 Welcome to The Mental Health Janitors
• 01:30 A Childhood Story About Trauma and a Broken Promise
• 07:00 When Personal Pain Meets the Mental Bandwidth We Have
• 09:00 The Seattle Shooting and Leadership Under Pressure
• 18:00 How Economic Stress Can Affect Mental Wellbeing
• 28:00 Reddit Story: A Father, Son, and a Shocking Loophole
• 35:00 When a Broken Promise Becomes a Broken Relationship
• 40:00 Revenge, Resentment, and the “Long Game”
• 45:00 Emotional Intelligence and How We Respond to Hurt
• 49:00 A Personal Story About Forgiveness and Reconciliation
• 55:00 Choosing Forgiveness Over Revenge
• 58:00 Educate, Empower, and Encourage Your Mental Health Journey

Join the Conversation

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 #MentalHealth #Forgiveness #EmotionalResilience 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

My mom was raised in a very abusive home. Her dad was quite literally a monster, and she had a lot of trauma growing up. And one of the stories I remember in my life kind of helping her unpack was a time that she made a deal with her dad that if she practiced the piano for an hour every day for a year, he promised to buy her a horse. She loved horses, she had experience riding horses, she was a very hard worker, she saved up all of her own money to buy her own first car, and her family was very well off. But she was always that independent person, not wanting anything from them. So after the year-long playing the piano every day for an hour, she took the contract that she had her dad sign and said, I fulfilled my bargain. And he renewed on his part of the bargain and did not buy my mom a horse. That story, that betrayal, that broken promise was a part of my mom's story of some of the trauma that she was raised with. Welcome to the Mental Health Janitors, where we help you clean up the mess in your head. Starting Q. I almost forgot I had to come in.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

You're not used to that part. It feels weird. We should have sat on the opposite side for this episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

No, that would have really thrown us off. Now you're gonna be this Reddit story. Yes just wait. Super identical. So we should do a quick interview with my mom later about her response to just wait for this Reddit story.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Okay. For her oh, but first, we gotta unpack the So last week you told me about a shooting that happened in Seattle. And I knew about it, but I didn't pay a lot of attention to it, honestly, because I just have the mental bandwidth to deal with it at the time because I was dealing with my own pain, physical pain that I'm dealing with. I have to get ready to go do these events that are coming up. I just don't have the mental energy to invest into that. But you were telling me about just the absolute train wreck that the press conference was with the mayor.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Which doesn't surprise me because the mayor, socialist mayor that they elected in Seattle, this is the first job she's ever had. So she's never had an actual job. She's always been like an organizer for the union or an organizer for a protest, which is not a real job. Okay, so she's never had a real job, never led anybody, can't even lead herself. She even got in trouble for election finance law that she violated because she has her parents watch her kid and uses that as a tax write-off for them because they do it for free. And so that's technically a donation in kind to her campaign, and she never listed it because she just doesn't understand how the real world works. So she doesn't understand anything when it comes to business or finance or anything. She got elected or leading people, or leading people. She got elected purely on the fact that she is a socialist and she's gonna stick it to the man and make businesses pay their fair share by instituting a new wealth tax, a new business tax, and telling the millionaires, like, oh, if you're gonna leave, bye. That's literally what she did in her press conference. Uh-huh. And she went on the picket line against Starbucks. And guess what? Starbucks said, bye. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Yeah, Starbucks was like, bye.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

And they moved to Nashville.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Right. And isn't there the highest level of open occupancy in the business district in Seattle? Yes, the highest vacancy rate.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

It might be this week, it might be San Francisco. Yeah. Right? It just kind of ebbs and flows between the two. But one of the highest, first or second highest vacancy rate in Seattle. So the small business foundation or small business, whatever it's called, leaders in Seattle, it's this group. They had to dissolve because there weren't enough people there. There's not enough business owners there to even make that group viable.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

No, there's enough homeless people on drugs.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Columbia Tower, the premier real estate, is gonna go into bankruptcy because most people don't realize this. So if you don't realize this, I didn't know this until I bought a commercial building. But this is how it works. The value of your commercial building is not based on the property itself, it's based on how much you can charge for the rent. Yes. So if I have a building and I'm getting $1,000 a month in rent and I sell it to you, and I've got a hundred of these that base it off of the rent roll and what income this could produce in the future, because it's a business. So they look at futures and what could this produce that sets the price for the building. And so you go to a bank and say, Hey, I need a $10 million loan to buy this building because the rent rolls are a thousand dollars a month for each of these buildings, whatever it is, right? So the bank says, sure, we'll give you that money, you get it, and then stuff like this happens, and all these people leave, and now you're sitting at a 40 to 60 percent vacancy rate in your building. What do you do? You foreclose. Right. Well, you normally people will be like, oh, I'll just lower my price, but you cannot lower the cost per square foot that you're renting the building for because that will lower the evaluation of the building. Yeah, and the bank will not allow you to do that because it devalues that asset. I mean, you could, but you personally would still be on the hook, or whatever ownership you have would still be on the hook for covering that difference.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

So it's a no-win situation that the mayor and the governor of the state has put Washington business owners in. Yeah, this is not my opinion, this is not hyperbole. You can look this stuff up. Yeah, this is exactly how it works, and this is why Seattle is failing. They are right now into like a two billion dollar deficit in their budget right now, and it's just increasing every day. Yeah, because people are leaving, and they I watched an interview the other day where there's this economist who pushed for this right in Seattle and pushed for getting this wealth tax millionaire tax passed. And the person said, the interviewer said, Hey, well, what are you gonna do if all these people leave and now you can't cover? You know, you create more of a deficit. Well, we have no indication that that's happening. What are you talking about? And she just starts reading a list of all of these businesses and people that have left. What do you mean there's no indication? Here's all of this. Well, you know, we just we feel that's a short term, and there's gonna be more people who have money come in who are gonna want the opportunities here in Seattle. And I'm thinking, she goes, Opportunities for what? What opportunities are you offering them? He, of course, he had no answers to that. What she said was, what it looks like is you just want to start taxing everybody in Washington State. And he's like, No, no, no, we're not doing that. Well, then why didn't you put a cap on it and say you couldn't go below a million dollars for this income tax? Well, we don't want to hamstring, you know, future administrations and what they want to do with taxes. So just a total bait and switch. And you know what, Seattle? You deserve it because you're idiots. You hired people like this to run the city who have zero experience, yeah, zero business acrement. Yeah. I'm just so thankful I pulled all of my business out a decade ago. Yeah. I don't do any business in downtown. None. I'm so thankful for that.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Well, and like we try to not get political on this, where mental health and people's well-being and the economy is a part of mental health. And we're gonna state facts when they are presented. So, yeah, I don't want to get too deep into it, but the new millionaire tax thing is like if your property value is over a million, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:53

It's everything, it's accumulative.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Yeah. So that like people like my parents who bought their property in 2004 for $150,000 and they put their blood, sweat, and tears on it, they built their own house, and now it's appraised at $1.2 million, they're gonna get taxed that millionaire, even though they don't have $1.2, so they'd have to sell their house in order to pay those taxes. Make that make sense.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

And it's even worse. It's even worse than that because that's the King County will assess it at a million dollars. Yes. $1.2. Yes. But maybe they can't sell it for only $800,000. They're still paying property tax on $1.2.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Yes. Yeah. Oh, I know. And they're about to be on a fixed income, retired, on social security.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Yes, so those people are gonna be forced to leave.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Exactly right. And then when they leave and they sell, then they're gonna hit them with all of the capital tax on the way out.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

All that tax. Oh, you just sold your $1.2 million house. So guess what? Now we want our money left.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

And I heard somebody say, well, you know, because their dad was against the millionaire tax. He has property, so he would get grouped into that. And he said, Yeah, well, honey, I'm gonna have to leave. I'm gonna have to move if this, well, dad, you know, that's money that goes to people like me because she's a paraeducator. She thinks that that tax dollars are going to pay for her school job. And I just I'm so sad for these people that believe whatever the narrative is telling them when it's couldn't be further from the truth.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

What it does is it goes to special interest groups. It goes to build bigger government. That's what it goes to. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

I mean, what Washington State Lottery was supposed to go to the school system. The taxes from the weed industry was supposed to go to the school system. Where is that? Special interest groups. So how come they're not being held accountable for this stuff?

SPEAKER_01 9:45

I'm a huge proponent of tar and feathering politicians. That's what we used to do back in the day when they would go up and they would they called it stumping because they would stand on a stump or on a getting on your soapbox. They would stand on a giant wooden soapbox and they would give all these campaign promises. And when they remig on those promises, guess what? They would drag them in the street, they would cover them with tar and throw feathers on them. That's what they would do.

SPEAKER_00 10:07

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

That's exactly what that term tar and feathering was for politicians when they broke their word.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

Wow. Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

So speaking of Total train wrecks. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

So do you have the video of the Oh, you want to watch it?

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Yeah. You're okay to watch it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm so interested actually to see. Okay. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, I can, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Let me see. I'll I'll watch it. I'm good.

unknown 10:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

I just didn't have time to dig into it because I had to prep for watching the show. Oh, yeah. Had to get the story dialed in, had you know, stuff I have to do. You need to get on your Wi-Fi really quick. Okay, so here we go.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

Good evening, everyone. Uh, thank you for your patience since we've been working to make sure that we provide accurate information. This is the last one. I'm sorry that we're having to gather here tonight under these tragic circumstances. What happened here today at Seattle Center was an ugly cool tragedy. A horrific act of violence. My work right now is the victims and their families and for everyone in our community. What happened to us today? The city and this country. Create your specific violence and justify it's a lot of work to do with the city as a country. Yes. So our stick to your talking points. Uh and uh I'm gonna turn over.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Yeah, yeah, get get out of there because you can't spring two words together.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Uh cat officers in the area. An immediate area where they got. Officer responded and after one of the shooters. Uh that person came up and was taken into custody. There was another person at the lead that was also involved in that scene. And officer began to access that person. Uh when discovered we got scene that there were a total of seven victims that were uh officers immediately began to perform CPR first aid for seven victims. Yeah, so another two more victims.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

Gather standing in the background looking like a little jackal resource.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

So that's the total seven pictures. We had another pictural that we showed up at the University of Washington uh medical center, also uh one of the victims had four in the medical center and last five here in the so now we have a total of three mentalities. This is a tragedy. Um I'm really sorry that this happened. The last Seattle has a very uh positive event. We haven't had any issues in here. Most of those dogs never have been more than ongoing for several hours trying to figure out exactly what we're having. Uh right now we believe that we have uh no outstanding tax community. We do have one session uh interview for some guys. Uh one of the four things are hospital. Yeah, this is a terrible, terrible event. Uh all four pictures that are popular line or stable and uh we're gonna be talking about several hours trying to figure out what happened tonight. Uh we have a number of people that are here to support us with our kernel investigation. We are I believe there is one out there, so we're still trying to have more information. There were two people who believe we're starting at uh here before. We are still working on the music died.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

Not just like just there were no surveillance in the immediate surveillance there. I feel like somebody should have briefed them before they went up there. Seriously. It's just a mess.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

We believe that there were two people shooting at each other. We have recovered two weapons so far. Were the people here?

SPEAKER_03 15:45

We don't know they're involved in other people. Yeah, I didn't watch that.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

What was the point of what was the point of the press conference? They didn't I they did nothing. You could have he asked so he asked You could have that whole that whole like nine minutes could have been 90 seconds.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Literally, and we ended up saying, We need we need information if you were there, if you there's videos everywhere, and he's saying nobody's calling in to report anything, and like it was just agonizing for me to. I was like, This is our best speaker to give us uh I started just kind of fast-forwarding to it.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

Like, are we gonna get anything? Nowhere, yeah, nothing. Yeah, it was awful and and she just went straight into talking points about gun control. What is wrong with you? Don't address the situation. That's what they do. Like, oh no, don't look over here. We're gonna talk about Jimothy, hot summer.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

It literally is a gun-free zone. So the how is that working for you to get more gun control? Because the the perpetrators and the bad guys are gonna still show up with guns.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

You know, I just watched this thing. The NRA put up. It was a guy who got in a shootout and won, and it was a mass shooting like this at a house party, I think, some sort of house party. And he was there, and there was a bunch of people, and there was a neighbor next door who came over with a gun, just walked in the house, and just started shooting people. He's one of the guys who got shot, shot in the face, and it came out here, it took out one of his eyes. And he comes to as this guy is executing people, and he's able to draw his firearm and shoot the assailant anyway. And he survived, and his wife and two kids survived. Now, if he would not have gotten his gun out and eliminated the threat, it would have been headline news everywhere. Mass shooting, all of this stuff, gun control. But since there was an armed individual who eliminated the threat, it got no media play. They don't want to talk about that.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Yeah, if they talked about all the times a gun ended up saving the situations, there would be no platform for this extreme gun control policy pushing.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

There was a guy, I want to say it was down in Oregon a few years back. Same thing, shooting at them all. He had a concealed weapon, he drew his pistol, eliminated the threat, and it barely made a blip on the news. No, no.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

And though the stories happen all the time. Oh, yeah. All the time. And I was just disgusted that that was literally welcome. Here's the press conference. We have to. I just I was like, oh, I saw it for myself. It's not like narrative that I'm hearing and jump, like I saw it for myself. That was not the time, it was not. So it was interesting. And by the time this airs, we're gonna have more information.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

She said, I'm sure we will, right. Um, so editor's note, okay. So in that video, when the mayor gets done talking, you can show the rest of me watching it, but super speed it up because I only want the first part of the mayor talking, yeah, and then just watch, you can put like you know, times two or times three, or have a clock like showing all of that. I don't want people to sit there and have to watch me watch a video, but just like super speed it up. That way it's better, better for the camera. So there we go.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

All right, Jess. All right, are you ready for our Reddit story where the roles are reversed now?

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Yes, you've been complaining about this that you don't have time to prepare. So you've had all the time in the world and had a whole week to prepare. Here we go. Oh, give me a break.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

Am I the a-hole for refusing to forgive my dad for breaking our deal? When I, 17 male, was eight, my parents bought me a piano and signed me up for lessons. I was super excited because I love music.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Wait, did your mom write this story? This is the exact same. This is a piano story again.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Over time, over time, I kind of became known as the piano guy at school. I play at school concerts, accompany the school jazz choir, and play once a week for the residents at a couple of retirement homes in our town.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

When I was 15, I started to talk about quitting lessons, and my parents quickly tried to guilt me out of it. I told them I wanted to try other things, and that between piano and studying, I didn't have much time left for other extracurriculars. My dad proposed a deal. If I kept playing and taking lessons until I reached level 10 RCM, which is Royal Conservatory of Music, and continued to keep my grades up at school, he would buy me a new car of my choice. I jumped at it and we shook hands on the deal.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't know what like level 10 is, it's got to be super high, but a car of his choice? Okay, when you if you when you were 17, what would have been the car of your choice? That's what he is 17, right? 16, 17. What would it have been?

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Oh gosh. I had the car of my choice when I was 17, a lifted monster truck. Of course you did. It wasn't brand new, it was old, but it was a big monster truck. And I was a country girl, so that's what but yeah, I would want a big monster truck.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Must be nice.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

I would have had the Dodge Viper. Remember the Dodge Viper? That was my Nana's favorite car. She had a Dodge Stealth on a waiting list for a Dodge Viper, and she was 80 years old.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

She was so cute. Or if you know this car, put it in the comments because we can be friends. The Suzuki X90. This is the most versatile, amazing car ever made. It was only made for three years from 1997 to 2000. Three years. That was it. And it really was only manufactured for one and then sold for three. It looked like you remember the Honda Day Sol?

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

So think of Honda Day Sol like that. Uh-huh. But you could put a four-inch lift on this little coupe car. Oh gosh. And you could take it had tea tops. So very much like the Suzuki Samurai that people drive around and mod out, make four by four. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what this was, but it was the sports car edition of that. Oh Suzuki X90. If you know what this car is, we can be friends because it's the coolest car ever. You can find them on the secondary market. They're super rare, but I want to add one to my collection.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

I bet you do. Must be nice for you now.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

It is now. It is now white bread.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

Yeah. My parents were not well off, but my nana, I'm Grandma when she died, the one who wanted the Dodge Viper. Yeah. She, in her will, had set aside some money for both my brother and I to be able to get a car when we turned 16.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

So why didn't you get your dream car to Dodge Viper?

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Because I didn't have that much. Oh. It was only a couple thousand dollars.

unknown 22:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Okay. Yeah. So, okay. I should explain that my family is well off financially. I have a very privileged life, but I wouldn't say I've been spoiled. If I ever want a luxury item like a new phone or game console, I have to buy it myself with money I've saved from summer and after school jobs.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

I should also allow it.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

Summer and after school jobs.

unknown 22:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

I should also explain I should also explain that my dad's big on loopholes. When we compete, he always finds a way to win. And when I do, it doesn't count because of some loophole. It drives me nuts, but he thinks it's hilarious. Whenever I complain about him not playing fair, his answer is always the same. Life isn't fair. So because of our deal, I kept up with my lessons. I spent about one to two hours a day on piano while keeping up my grades. Last summer I took my level 9 RCM exam and passed, getting me to a 10, fulfilling my part of the deal. I told my dad I'd chosen the BMW X5 plug-in hybrid SUV.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

Okay, he had me at BMW X and then he went the five, which is okay. It's the coupe, but then he got the electric, the hybrid, and these kids losing points with me.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

A couple of months ago on my birthday, I came downstairs for breakfast, and my dad told me there was a surprise waiting for me in the garage.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Oh, so hold on. So just so you know, this is probably a hundred and forty to a hundred and sixty thousand dollar car, depending on the package that you would get. Just so you know, that's how much this car is.

unknown 23:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

I ran out and sitting in the middle of the floor was a 124th scale toy BMW X5. My dad burst out laughing and said, A deal's a deal. So as promised, here's your brand new BMW. My heart absolutely broke. I asked if he was being serious, and he said I couldn't seriously have expected him to buy a 17-year-old a real brand new BMW, and that we could discuss getting me a reasonably priced used car. I said we had a deal and I fulfilled my end of it. He said he did too, since I never said that the car had to be a full size and drivable. I said he wasn't being fair. His response, life isn't fair. Ever since this happened, I've been distant with my dad. I honestly feel like he betrayed my trust and that he deliberately made a fool out of me. He keeps bringing up the idea of a used car, but I told him I'm not interested, which I admit is kind of petty. I have enough money saved that I can buy a cheap used car myself. And I just feel like if I accept one from him now, it's like saying that breaking his promise didn't matter and that he didn't do anything wrong. Am I the a-hole?

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Uh no, bro. Absolutely not. Do not take the car. I hope that somebody sends you this video, bro. Do not take the car. Buy your own. By your own. And here's what I'm gonna tell you. You gotta play the long game on this one, my friend. You gotta play the long game on this. Hear me out. Act like it's all cool, bro. You gotta give this about 30 years. You gotta play the long game on this. Because here's what I want you to do. I want you to be super cool to this guy and be like, look at him and take care of you. I'm gonna put you up. You know, when you get older and you get dementia, I'm gonna put you up in the in the in the nicest facility out there. Just make me the executor of your estate. I'll take care of you. Just play the long game on this, bro. Play the long game on this. When you get that signature, you go put him, you tell him it's gonna be the Ritz Carlton of old folks homes. But what you're really gonna do is you're gonna find an old trailer park, bottom of the barrel that's called the Ritz-Carlton. Okay, but it's a trailer park, the lowest budget one you can find. And you put him in it and you say, Hey Dad, this is the Ritz Carleton. I didn't you didn't say it had to be. I never said it was gonna be the real one. Remember? Life's not fair.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

Play the long game on this. Please, young man, if you're watching this, do not take this advice.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

Play the long game. That's me. Play the long game. That's how I would play it. Revenge is a dish, best served cold.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

And yes. That is terrible advice.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Hey, I I don't know. Who's with me on this?

SPEAKER_00 26:30

Honor the A-hole. Honor your mother and father, for this will give you long life.

SPEAKER_01 26:35

Hey, I it I'm saying be cool to him. Play the long game on this thing. And then you're you are honoring him. You're giving him back the advice that he gave you. He taught you a lesson. You're right. Life's not fair. And I'm gonna show you that you are right. Life's not fair. Uh-huh. Play the long game on this, bro. That's what I would do. I play the long game.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

Listen, there is a point I see in, especially if we heard the other side. Okay. Shaking hands on it. Like, remember my mom's story? Yeah. She knew her dad was like this. So she wrote out the contract, said, This is why I'm writing out the contract because I'm not going to do this for a year and you go back on your word. So I need you to sign. There is no room that that is clear expectations. Who knows what really went down on this day that they had this talk of who really knows? And a 17-year-old and a brand $120,000 car, no. Well, then the dad shouldn't have made the deal. He did make the deal. He didn't specify that it's a drivable car.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

That wouldn't hold up in the court of law. It would not hold up in a court of law. It wouldn't. There's no way. A judge would look at that and be like, clearly, you misrepresented that. Clearly, you took a damn.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

No, no, not clearly, because there's not enough evidence. There's a handshake.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

It's a him versus it's who the contract is still a contract.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

No, not yes, if he admits to agreeing to that. But his story, I'm saying, is going to be probably a little different.

unknown 28:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

But the son has every right to be upset. He has every right to be hurt and feel betrayed. That is poor parenting. It is a poor representation of helping your kids be men of their words. And it's a disaster. I'm not saying the dad's right in any way, shape, or form. And the falling out of this father-son relationship rests on the dad's shoulders. 100% yes.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

For me, I would be looking for a way to give that advice back to my dad. That's how I would be doing. I would be looking for a way to make a similar deal and burn him on it and be like, oh, I I learned the lesson, Dad. Life's not fair. And leave him holding the bag. I would be looking for any opportunity to do that. Because people like that don't they don't change their behavior. It seemed like it was a pattern of behavior with this guy.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Yeah. Yeah, he's a bad he's a bad father. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

So I would be looking for a opportunity to give that back to him. That's me.

unknown 29:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:06

Hence why my mom had a very, very broken relationship with her dad, and why a year later she could have gotten a very good car. Her mom would have talked her dad into getting her a good car, and she said, no, I never want your guys' help again.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

You know, I don't I don't ever I don't ever really make deals with my kids like that. Like that. No. I don't. The deals I make is like with my daughter, hey Aliyah, I want you to join Toastmasters and I'm gonna pay for it. Like those are the kind of deals that I make. I don't make this like, well, if you do this, then you're gonna get that. It's like I'm gonna give you this and but I want you to do this at the same time. So it's not like a if you do this, then you get that. It's they go together.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

I'm I I do seasons of doing deals like chores are not paid in our house, it's just part of being a family. But if you want to make a little extra money, read this book that's gonna expand your knowledge in a certain area that's going to build your resilience. And so books, I pay my kids at different stages in their upbringing. I've learned this from John Maxwell.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

This is what he did with his kids. And by the time his his kids graduated, it was like, look, I I know I hated reading, but oh my gosh, knowledge is power. I have learned so many incredible life lessons that have helped instill resilience in me from some of these books: Atomic Habits, Uninvited, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, The Seven Principles of Marriage, Fast Like a Girl, Untangled is a great one for adolescent girls. So many books that have helped me through different seasons of my life. And people just come to me and say, Oh, I I can you mentor me on this? And I say, Read these books, and they refuse to do it.

unknown 30:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

You gotta just read the freaking books. So I pay my kids to read books because kids don't love reading self-help books. But like seven habits of highly effective people for teenagers. But Liberty had to read that when she was 13 or 14. And different books like that is I so that's kind of a a deal, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Yeah, like my son hated reading. And so I didn't make a deal. Like, well, if you read this, then you get that. I said, let's find something that you enjoy reading, Calvin and Hobbes.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

Love Calvin and Hobbes. So I bought all the Calvin and Hobbes books, and that's how he learned to read, is because he he found joy in it. And so I did it differently. I'm not saying what you did is isn't right or what John Maxwell did isn't right, but then it was an external reward that they got to read the books, and hopefully along the way, they learned to love it. But if all they're looking for is an external reward, then it creates a false motivation in their life.

SPEAKER_00 31:41

Yes and no. So I did the same thing you did with Autumn because she didn't love reading. So I started with audiobooks with her to get her in love with the bringing the imagination in her brain and started learning to love it that way. And then we added reading along with the audiobooks, and then she had more of a desire to read on her own. And I didn't pay for that. But I would have to disagree with you about the external reward, is when you're done with a book like Atomic Habits, and you only read it to get that $10. I don't care that you only read it to get that $10. You got all that knowledge in your subconscious brain now. And that's way more rewarding than the $10 you just got. So right now in the season of life, they're like, I want that $10 to go thrifting. Fine, I'll give you the $10 if you put something in your brain that's gonna stay with you forever.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Yes. And I don't disagree with that. My thing is if they're not getting the $10, are they gonna continue that habit? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

And if they don't, I don't care. If they already have the knowledge of when they were in my life in my home, building those habits.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

So my thought process, I was just learning all the stuff about mental health and when I did this with my son. Yeah. And I thought the easy way was just to pay him to do it. And I had considered that. But when I looked at how we learn and desires and things like that, I was like, I have to teach him how to love reading, not love getting money. And he didn't care as much about money. Like Aliyah cared about money, she wanted to earn money, save it, and never spend it. Austin didn't care about money, it wasn't a motivator for him. So I had to find something different. I had to teach him to enjoy reading just for the sake of reading. Yeah. And that's why I did it that way. Not saying that it was wrong what you did, or that's just how I did it at the time.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

Well, and that's why I'm a big advocate of as children are learning to read, if they're showing because some kids they love it from the get-go.

SPEAKER_01 33:37

Yeah, I was cool. That was me.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

Other kids are resist and resist and resist. I was the kid that resisted, but once I found the genre I liked, then I got that external reward of the pleasure of reading.

SPEAKER_01 33:49

Oh my gosh. So this is so funny. When I was a kid, I used to love reading. Then when I got to high school, I got into sports and I just didn't have time for it. I was like, I hate reading. And it was a Marine that I served with, James Walsh, and he was my platoon sergeant when I was in Anglico, and he loved reading these kind of like Tom Clancy's stuff.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

And he's like, Oh, come and read this book with me, Q. And I'm like, I don't want to read, I don't know that. He's like, Come on, just read it with me, and then we'd go ahead and he's one of the cool guys, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay. So I'd read a book, and then we'd have lunch, and we would discuss like what was happening in the city.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

Yeah, yeah, that's so fun.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

And I just I fell back in love with reading. And I was like, I loved reading. Yeah. And here's something that I just remembered. And I wish I could remember these series. I can only remember a couple of them. There was a book, and it was about these teenagers, and they were Christians. And I didn't even know what a Christian was back then. But I remember they were like in an airplane, they're flying somewhere, and the airplane was going down, sort of like, hey, you've got to get in this tube. We're gonna put you in this like shipping container, but it was like a tube. And so when we crash, you know, we'll push this out the back, and hopefully it'll float, and you guys will be fine. And they get pushed out and they go, they sink to the bottom, and so they can't get out because the pressure won't, they can't get out, and so they're stuck in there. And meanwhile, people are trying to find them. Well, they end up finding these kids and they get rescued, but they said, You only had like two hours worth of air in there, and it's been two days. And they were praying the whole time. I didn't even know anything about God or religion or Christians or anything like that, but I remember that book and it just popped in my mind. You talk about the subconscious, that story just popped in my mind. So if anybody knows what that book is, the name of the book or the it was about these kids. There's a whole series of them that I read, but that just popped in my mind that these were Christian kids.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

That was a seed planted.

SPEAKER_01 35:38

Yes. Yes, I would love to find the author in the book if we can find this. It was a whole series about these kids, and maybe they were missionaries or PKs or something like that, but they yeah, they got pushed out this airplane, and they only had a couple hours in there, and so they're praying the whole time, but it had been days, and they finally found them, they get them out. Like, how did you survive? There's only a couple hours with air in there, and it was their power of prayer. Anyway, that was crazy because you just talked about subconscious and boom, that just came up. See, I'm always right, Aaron. Just get a clip that. I want you to clip that, and then every time I prove her wrong, I want you to replay that. Okay. Wow. See, I played the long game. Long game, yeah. Wow. All right. I I'm telling you right now, I don't always give good advice, but that right there, we're talking about fathers. I didn't have a great father. Yeah. And so for me, I'm like, I played the long game on this thing. Yeah. You know, but the reality is I didn't play the long game, you know, with my dad. I told you what happened, right? Uh-huh. Yeah. So I didn't play the long game on that.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

You forgave him?

SPEAKER_01 36:57

I did.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

And you reconciled with him before he died. Right? If I'm remembering correctly. And my mom did the same thing. She took care of him on his last few weeks of life and nurtured him and was kind to him, and he deserved zero of it. But that's the power of the Holy Spirit because we know what we've been forgiven for.

SPEAKER_01 37:17

You know what's crazy? Okay, so I am going to tell this story because I just had the Holy Spirit pushing me. I wasn't going to share it because I didn't want to, but I will. So, how this whole thing went down. My dad, as you guys know, he was terrible. And I got a call from his hospice nurse to go see him before he died. I don't even know how she got my number, but I was like, I don't want to do that. But I did because I felt the Lord convict my heart. Now, I've only been a Christian at this point, I'd like six, seven months. Okay, I'm still trying to figure out what Christianity is, who's God, who's my place in the story. I barely even knew the gospels. I'd started reading the Bible right away. So I'd gotten through like the Gospels and Acts, and Acts was great, and then I got into Romans. And when I hit Romans, I was like at a dead stop. I said, I have no idea what's happening in this. I none of this makes sense. I don't know who the characters are, what are they talking about? But I felt the Lord convicting my heart to go see him. I didn't know what that was at the time, but I know now it's what it was. So I went down, it's Easter, it's Easter Sunday, and I fly down and I see my dad, and I was able to spend some time with him. And the hospice nurse is like, well, I'm gonna not give him his next dose of medication. So that way you could have a better conversation with him. Like, so it's gonna be a couple hours. What am I gonna do in Mad River, California? Easter Sunday, like nothing's open. And even if something was open, there's like one general store and a burger bar, which is a trailer that's half the size of this room. It's just a little literal trailer that you would sleep in that they convert into a little burger joint, right? And they're making burgers in there. What am I gonna do? Well, I knew there's a little church called Lamb Creek Church. So I drove to Lamb Creek Church and I waited out for because Easter Sunday, they're gonna have a service. Sure enough, they did. I think there was a total of like six people in there. And as soon as I walked in, it was my grammar school principal and secretary, Mavis and Mel Brown. And they're like, Oh my gosh, Aaron, you're here. We're so happy you're here. We've been praying for you. Praying for me. What does that mean? What is I don't even know what that meant. What do you mean praying for me? They said, Yeah, we were praying that you would come and see your dad before he passed. Okay. That's different. Said, I'm having problems finding any redeeming qualities, my dad. And I said, Well we can understand that with how you grew up. But he was the kind of guy who would help anybody. No matter if they ripped him off or burned him. Next time they needed help, he would just help. Okay, I got to hear one redeeming quality for my dad. Fast forward, I'm I'm there with my dad, and it's about 11 o'clock at night, and he's getting really close to death. He's getting that death rattle. Really heavy, labored breathing. Those of you who've been around it, you know exactly what I'm talking about. And if you don't know, you will know as soon as you hear it. It's just really heavy, labored breathing. And so he's getting really close to death. And I don't know why, but I heard God telling me that I needed to pray with him. And so I just asked him, I said, You know, Dad, are you ready to go home and be with Jesus? And he said yes. And he accepted the Lord right there moments before he died. Now, my dad was one of the most prolific drug dealers in Northern California my whole life. He was a drunk and a drug addict and committed all sorts of felonious crimes. I grew up on a place called Murder Mountain, if that gives you any indication of the type of person my dad was. He died just a few moments after accepting Jesus. And I just totally broke down because at that point I don't even know how to really lead somebody to Christ. And I don't know really much about Christianity. So I just broke down, I cried out to God. I said, God, if you were there, just give me a sign, show me something that that I'm on the right path. The next day I drive to the airport and I get to the airport. And this little blonde girl, long story short, I fly to I have to fly to San Francisco to catch a connector in to Seattle. So I fly to Frisco, I get off the plane, and this little girl who is in the airport with me in Reading, who flew to San Francisco as well, she gets off the plane and she's like, Excuse me, sir. And I remember thinking, lady, whatever your problem is, like, I'm not the guy to help you. So I turn around and I'm like, what? And I'm not the most approachable guy, right? Bearded, tattooed guy. And I just haven't eaten her stuff in a couple days. I'm looking pretty rough. She says, I don't know if you're a Christian or if you even believe in God. But God put it on my heart to tell you that He's happy with the way you're living your life now. And I tell you what, guys, like I completely broke down in the middle of San Francisco Airport. Like that ugly cry and this poor girl. Yeah. Right? She looks like 16, blonde haired, blue-eyed, 16-year-old kid, and I'm just, you know, weeping. So I can I buy you a meal? So I bought her a meal and I explained everything that I'd just gone through.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

You kept in touch with her for a while, right?

SPEAKER_01 42:03

Still, still in San Francisco.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

Yeah, her name is Erin. She was an exchange student from Norway, and she was actually like 20.

SPEAKER_00 42:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

But she was going to the Bethel School of Ministry.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 42:15

And she was on her way home to visit her family for the holiday. Wow. Yeah. And after that, I never looked back. I was like, I'm sold out for this. Yeah. Like, okay, God, whatever you need for me, I'm gonna do it. I was completely sold out. So yeah, I say, you know, play the long game because that's what I'm thinking. That's my flesh rising up. That's what I would do. But in reality, that's what I actually did. I was obedient to what God called me to do. Yeah. Not that I wanted to do that for my dad. Not that I even wanted to go see him, but I was just obedient to what the Lord was calling me to do.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

Crazy, right?

SPEAKER_00 42:46

So I really hope you stayed till the end. Didn't just bust out halfway through with the long game advice, okay? Yeah. Well, you guys, we as always we love to educate, empower, and encourage you on your mental health journeys for the mental health janitors. I'm Doc Jess.

SPEAKER_01 43:08

I'm Sergeant Q, and we're out.